HI! I’m Miyaki Yagami, a
businesswoman of Okinawa, Japan. I just want to share to you one of my
experiences about love.I was in the middle school that
time; I had a crush on my boy best friend. He’s a joker a heartthrob, a kind
and a sweet guy. His name is Kezuka Kurusaki. Although he is popular in our
school, he still spends and enjoys his time with me.
My parents were CEO in one of the
most famous company in Japan. And because of their fame and wealth, my parents
then are afraid that I’ll be marrying somebody that is not the same with our
state of life. And so my parents made an arrangement with one of their partner
that their son will and I will be married at the time we are to finish college.
They never asked my opinion or my feelings about it. Still they insist and push
through what they’d planned. A month after their talked, they then made a
family get together so that all of us, specially the two of us, me and Usui
Kasito, well met and know each other. I can’t say no that time and so I joined
and force myself to be involved with the party. I’m not saying he’s not cute,
he is indeed cute. Not just cute but handsome young man that every girl would
dream of, but he couldn’t get my interest even if he did all the sweetness and
gave me expensive gift. He couldn’t wake up any feeling in me. He’s just
plainly a friend to me, nothing more nothing less. Nevertheless, we still were
engaged.
That’s not just that. The worst
thing was that both of our parents suggested and insisted that Usui will
transfer to my school for us to know each other and that Usui will be able to
watch over me. Usui, fetched me up every day and drop me to our house. Thought
at times, He’s hard to understand, still I managed to deal and be with him.
We’ve been classmates since middle
school until high school. At that time, my friend Kezuka and I were already
close with each other, closer than a friend but not couples. I enjoyed being
with him than with Usui. So at times, I lied to Usui that we have group meeting
with my Friends or anything that I could used as reason for me to take the time
to spend it with Kezuka.I told Usui that during Mondays, Wednesdays and
Fridays, I will not go home with him. Only Tuesdays and thursdays only. He also
agreed because he too have circle of friends where they also have their own
spree. Even if my time with Kezuka were short compared with what I have with
Usui, those times made me happier. We dated anywhere and have fun with simple
things. Even if we ate street foods and watched only scenes in the beach on a
park and people there, I did treasure those things. I took all the time to make
the best out of our time together with Kezuka. I never felt that happiness with
Usui even if we ate in neither a five starred hotel nor visiting grand and
beautiful place.
Everything went well until one day,
Usui discovered the truth. He was angry at that time.“Usui snubbed me and he’s
not fetching me since last week.” I told Kezuka while we ate our lunch that
day. “But then,” I added. “I don’t care. It doesn’t matter with me anyway.” I
said. “But you need to settle things to him Miyaki.” she said while looking at
me. “He’ll be your future husband in the future so you need to fix matters to
him anyway.”, he added while he continue eating his food. “Yeah, I know.” I
said while I cut the fish into with my fork and spoon. “If I can only choose
and decide. He’s not the one I’ll marry.” I said at that time I am already
about to bite the fish on my fork. “I already have with me the guy I like.”, I
just simply added the statement. Kezuka then scrambled to get a glass of water
that time to clear the blocked throat he had. He accidentally swallows the fish
that still never gnawed into pieces. I then helped him while laughing at
him.“Whoa! You’ll pay with what you did later Miyaki.”, he said still
drinking.“I just told you what’s the truth Kezuka.”, I said serious while I sit
on my chair. He then slowly places the glass he’s holding on the table and took
my hands and said, “Thank you Miyaki. How sweet of you.” then he kissed my
hands and looked at my eyes for many minutes. I’m waiting for him to say the
words, but then, “Let’s continue to eat our food so that we could still watch
the program in the plaza.” he said and starts eating his food again.Dismayed I
am because I didn’t heard what I wanted to hear, however, that makes me feel
okay because I already did tell him what I have in my heart. We’d finish that
spree that we have with so much fun.
One day in our school during break
time, Usui grab my hands and pulled me to walked with him so that we could
talked he said that time. He then took me at the inner part of the parking lot
that few people only visit it. When we’re already in that area he then hold my
head and kissed me torridly that it hurts my lips. That took us a long time
before he’d let go of me. Both of us panting and breathing hard for air. “What
are you doing Usui?” I angrily said to him. “Are you out of your mind already?”
I added. “That’s what your punishment!” he
shouted. “What?” I asked confused.“You don’t remember?” he asked still angry.
“Huh!” he smirked. “You said you’re with your girl group but… but…” he said
looking for a word to tell what the next line is. “But you’re with your guy!
With Kezuka!” he added.“What are you thinking? He asked. “You already have a
fiancée but you are going out with a guy?” he said. “He’s my friend, best
friend, close friend so to speak, Usui.” I answered. “And even maybe he’s not.
I would rather choose him than you. Remember, ours were arranged by our
parents.” I remind him. He then grabs my two shoulders with his strong hands
and carried me to the corner and again kissed me angrily. Even if I tried to
free myself but because he’s bigger than me, I couldn’t. Even if I know Self
defense, because of his sturdy body, it’s useless. After that he then let go of
my lips and said, “If you won’t marry me you will still continue your
relationship with Kezuka, then I don’t have any choice but to make you
completely mine in whatever way. And I’ll do something bad to that Kezuka! He
said angrily. “I’ll give you 3 weeks to decide Miyaki. 3 days! he stressed. He
then let go of me then turned and walked away. I was distraught that time.
Don’t know what to think first, my hurt lips or Usui’s statement. I don’t know
what to do at that time. The only thing that I did was to cry. Cried because I
need to decide and I knew that I don’t like what will be the outcome of my
choice afterwards. It’s because I knew then that I need to choose him, Usui,
not Kezuka. That hurts me a lot.
Three days passed and I still don’t
want to think my answer to what Usui asked. That made me sad. That time I and
Kezuka were at the beach watching birds fly and glide above the waters. I never
knew then that Kezuka is watching me and saw there the burden that I have.
“What’s the problem Miyaki?” he asked while he made me face him. I couldn’t
look at his face that time because if I do, I know I’ll burst out and will cry.
But Kezuka, really feels that he needs to know what’s with me and so he lifted
my face with her fingers. He slowly lifts it up ’til he could see my teary
eyes. Then I cried hard after that. He then hugs me tight and comforted me. He
never let a word from his mouth. He just let me cry and pour out what I need to
decant that time. It took me minutes to calm myself but still he just hugs me
and let me cry out.
After the time I am finish pouring
out the burdens within me, that’s when the time I told him what Usui did at the
parking lot. I told him everything in between the sobs even the ultimatum Usui
said. He then embrace me again and while he ‘s touching my hair he whispered to
my ears saying, “Even if you will be with him starting today, my love for you
won’t fade away Miyaki.” Then he kissed my forehead, down to my nose then to my
lips. He kissed me passionately as if it’s the end of the world. And I did
enjoy that. Because I already know that my love to him has also an answer. That
he loves me also, that the feeling is mutual. He did treasure that time,
everything that happened that time. It was Kezuka who stopped the kissed that
we had shared. And one more time he’d embrace me, tightly. “Let’s go baby. It’s
already late.” he said with a smile on his lips and eyes. And I like what he
called me that time, Babe. My heart really was full of happiness. It’s that
time that I felt I’m in heaven. I then stand up while he assisted me and we
walked to the park holding hands together and we both smile that time. I know
it’s already late in the afternoon, but I thought that it was dawn. And the sun
is shining. I feel like I don’t want to let that day end that time. I’m very
happy.
When we are 2 blocks away from our
house, because that time he brought with him his car, he then stop the car and
face me. I then embrace him and he said, “I love you. I don’t want to let you
go but I know, we both knew, that I still have to.” “But keep always remember
that I do love you Miyaki. I always will.” he added. “I love you too Kezuka.
I’m really happy today because of the things you said. I really Am.”, I said.
“Thank you Kezuka. I thought I only am the one who felt It.”, I said. “No, its
two way baby. I’m just not blunt about it because you will feel you’re so
beautiful, beautiful than anybody else.” he said afterwards he laughed while
he’d let me go. “Oh! Is that what you think?” I said. And then I pinched his
side.“Ouch! That hurts.”, he said while laughing. “Kidding aside baby, I just
wanted to keep it first.” he said. He then embraces me and we bade goodbye to
each other.
The next day, I then called Usui and
told him that we need to meet because I’ll tell him what my answer with his
ultimatum is earlier. When he arrives at the meeting place we have, that is the
restaurant that we usually visit during our dates, he then said, “Let’s eat
first. I’m really hungry. He then ordered our food and we ate. When we already
finished our main course he then said, “We are to eat first our dessert before
you’ll tell me what your decision is.”I just let him handle all the things that
time when we all finished everything. He then said, “Okay, I’m ready Miyaki for
your answer.” I then told him, “I will marry you. I’ll follow what our parents
set for us to do. I’ll be your wife, a good wife, and mothers to your
offspring.” I said straight to his face.And then I said, “I’m already done with
my objective today. May I excuse myself?”He then nods his head and then I stand
up and took my way out of the restaurant.
When I’m already in my car, I then
poured out my tears that were already there when I’m taking my way out, crying
because I can’t do anything with what I have with my future. That I already
said my decision, and I know I need to choose such thing because my parent
needs it too, badly. Yes, I am in love but not with Usui, but with Kezuka.
“What will happen with the feelings we have with each other?” I asked myself. I
really love Kezuka but my fate leads me to Usui. I spent almost one hour inside
my car crying hard with the fate that I have. The good thing there is that
people around me can’t see me crying ‘cause of my tinted car. When I’m already
finish and afraid that Usui will see me still there within the vicinity, I then
drove off and went home. There in my room continue and spent my time crying
bitterly.
Three months passed since the day
that everything went to what we used to do. That is all the time I’m with Usui
because that’s what I needed to do even I still long to be with Kezuka, it’s
unfair for him if I do that. I don’t even have communications with him and the
worst thing to that is I can’t and didn’t see him everywhere in the school.
Been trying to locate and determine what’s the reason behind but I can’t find
any.
One day when I was in the canteen
with my circle of friends I overheard a group of girls talking about Kezuka.
That triggered me to be attentive to them and listen to what they’re talking.
One of the girl said, “Girls, Is it true that Kezuka had a leukemia?” and one
of them answered, “Yes girl. I heard it from my friend who is one of the
circles of friends of Kezuka. And if am not mistaken, he’s now in a hospital, I
guess… that is Shisuken Hospital.” “Are you sure with that?” some of the girls
already paid attention to the topic of the two girls. “Oh! That’s horrible
then.” Zuni, whom I’ve known because she’s one of my classmate in one of my
subject “Don’t you know that I have a crush on him. He’s so cute and a good
boy.” She added. “Yeah, me too. How is he right now? One of the girls beside
Zuni asked. “He’s still there I guess, because from one of his friend said he’s
body is not already responding to any chemotherapy already.” “Oh!” Because of
that conversation of those girls I then immediately excuse myself with my
friends. I never waited for their answer because I really need to know what the
real story about it is. I’m rushing to leave the school that even Usui’s
presences when I met him on the lobby I never recognize. The only objective
that I have that time is to get where Kezuka is and determine if he’s okay or
not. When I’m already outside of the school’s gate I then immediately call for
a taxi and told the driver that we’re going at Shisuken Hospital. On my way I
heard my phone ringing and seen that Usui is calling. I answered and asked why.
He then said, “Where are you going? I met you at the lobby earlier you never
even acknowledge me even a glance. Where are you going? It’s not yet time to
leave the school and you still have one subject left right?” “Oh1 I’m sorry
Usui. I’m on my way right now to the hospital.” I said. “Why are you going
there?” he asked. “I want to check if Kezuka is there and if his seek and if
his alright. Want to ask him if the rumor about him having leukemia is wrong.”
I answered him while I’m choking and my tears are already falling down my
cheeks.” I hope you’ll understand why I need to visit him. Why I need to know
if he’s okay, Am I right Usui?” I asked. There’s a long silence from his line
and then he said, “Okay, I’ll follow you there.” “Thank you Usui. Thank you.” I
said and I turned off the phone.
The cab arrived at the lobby of the
hospital and I immediately asked from the information office where and what
room is Kezuka were confined. They then told me its room number 15D. And no
more a do, I run to the room while my tears were falling. I prayed to God that
things must be okay. That he only have a minor illness. I did ask that while
running. When I’m already in front of the room, I then saw through the mirrors
Kezuka and his family there inside watching Kezuka. I then knock and open the
door. When the mother of Kezuka recognizes me, she then embrace me then led me
to come closer to Kezuka. After that, one by one they excuse themselves for the
two of us, Kezuka and I will have time to talk. When every one of them leaves,
there is a long silence inside of the room. It’s as if nobody wants to
talk between us. I just watched him while my tears fall. He then grabs my hands
slowly and told me, “Miyaki, come closer please.” And I move closer. Get closer
and then I embrace him and cry over his shoulder. He just pats my back
comforting me while I kept crying bitterly. Minutes pass and I tried to stop my
tears and asked him in between sobs “Why did you not inform me of this? When
was this started?” I asked while looking at his pale face. “Actually it started
last year. I kept it from you so you won’t be worried.” He answered. “And I
know that you have lots of problem already with Usui, and I don’t want to add
burdens to you. I just want you to be happy with me Miyaki. Because every time
I saw you smiling it’s as if I’m fulfilled already.” He added while holding my
hands. At that time I’m still crying.
“Remember baby, even if I’m not with you, I love you. I love you very much.”, I
then hug him. He then took my chin then looks at me and said, “Stop crying
baby. You’re not that beautiful already because you keep on crying.” He then
smile and we look at each other eyes then slowly he took my lips and we kissed.
At that time, Usui is waiting
outside. Saw what was going on. And when I go out from the room after waiting
for Kezuka to rest and sleep, I then saw him looking at me and said, “Its okay
Miyaki. I understand the situation. And if I don’t I’ll try and will try my
best to understand everything. But I just want to ask you again, you’ll keep
your statement right, to marry me?” He looked at my eyes and waited for the
answer. I then answered “whatever I said to you Usui, I won’t take it back. And
I will do it.” He smiled. “Thank you and it’s very kind of you in understanding
it.” “It’s okay with me Miyaki, That’s how I love you” he said while smiling.
“Are we to go home now?” he asked. “Yes.” I answered. Then I asked permission
from the parents of Kezuka and told them that I’ll return to visit Kezuka. We
bade goodbye and off we go.
While we’re already taking the road
going home, “Usui, I would like to inform you that I’ll always visit Kezuka. Is
it okay with you? Because if it’s not, I’m sorry but I will still visit.” He is
quiet for a long time and said, “As I’ve said earlier it’s okay with me but the
only thing I wanted is that when you visit I’ll go with you. Is it okay with
you?” After that, I am then the one who took time to answer. “I told you that
because I just want to help you, give you a ride and to make you safe as well.
You can’t be able to drive your car when you are crying, right?”he added.
“Yeah, your right” I said while nodding my head. “Thank you Usui for thinking
of my safety”. He then glance at me and smile. Then silence filled the car as
we are taking the road to my house. Starting that day I keep visiting Kezuka,
during vacant time and before I go home, and Usui is with me always. But he
never took the time to get inside Kezuka’s room for delicacy sake.
One day, “Can we buy first fruits
before we visit Kezuka?”, I asked Usui. We then went to a supermarket to buy
fresh fruits for Kezuka. And when we’re buying fruits, Usui picked
mango but I said, “Not that Usui. He loves eating melon.” Usui only smile
and asked the vendor of the price of the mango and we bought some for Kezuka.
We then buy takeout food on a restaurant that we used to dine for the family of
Kezuka and for us.
While we’re on our way to the
hospital, my phone rang with the song:
~Heaven
can’t wait up higher in the sky. It’s
you and I, Heaven
And can’t wait deep down in your
eyes, I’m yours tonight. Lay your heart next
to mine… I
feel so alive…~
It’s Kezuka’s number and I picked it
up. “Hi baby, the voice at the other side answered.” And I answered, “Oh!
Kezuka! How are you? We’re on our way going there to you. We brought lots of
food”, “Oh! Thank you baby. I just call to tell you how much I love you and
missed you.” he said. And I said” Wait!” and I told Usui, “can we stop for a
while, I need space? Just for a while.” And Usui also gave me the favor. When
the car stopped, I then moved out of the car and closed it for privacy. “Hello
love, are you still there?”I asked Kezuka. “Yes baby. I missed you already.” He
said. “I missed you too love and I love
you very much.”I answered. And I heard a deep breath on the other line and
Kezuka said in sincere voice, “Miyaki, When I’m gone you always remember that
I’m still with you, in your heart. I’ll always there to guide you. If I’m gone
you need to move on with your life… with Usui. I know that he’ll take good care
of you. Always remember that I love you… I love you Miyaki… I love you baby.”
And the phone went dead. “Hello… Kezuka? Hello!” Huh! Why did he turn off the
phone. I then open the door and sit inside
the passengers seat and said to Usui, “let’s go.” And I smiled to him thankful
for the understanding he’s giving.
We then took again the way going to
the hospital. We then parked the car and took the path going to Kezuka’s room.
While we’re 20 steps away from the room of Kezuka, we then saw doctors and
nurse running going inside Kezuka’s room. My heart beat fast. Usui and I looked
at each other and I then run to reach Kezuka’s room. Usui is following me. I
then get inside the room where I saw Kezuka’s parents crying as well as his
brothers and sisters. I then turn my eyes to the bed where Kazuke lay and saw
nurses and doctors reviving him back to life. They’d tried their best to revive
him but the cardiac monitor displayed a flat line. The doctors then look at us
and bowed his head. It’s a cue for us that Kezuka is gone. His family went to
his body and mourns. You can hear cries in the room. And I felt the hands of
Usui on my shoulder comforting me. I didn’t move. I don’t know what to do. I
didn’t cry yet that time. My mind couldn’t process what had happened or I don’t
want my mind to accept the reality that Kezuka’s gone. He’s gone.. Gone? Gone.
HE’S GONE.
The family of Kezuka looked at me at
that moment. Emphasizing with what I are infront of me. Usui then hold me on my
shoulders and walked me closer to where Kezuka is. I looked at Kezuka’s face.
He’s as if smiling. I’m thinking and imagining he’s just resting. And waiting
for me there that when I’ll kiss his forehead he’ll open his eyes and look at
me smiling. I’m thinking… Thinking that he will still asked me that I’ll feed
him with the sweet melon I brought with him today… He’s gone. My mind
interrupted. He’s gone.
My tears then started to fall from
my eyes and my hands slowly touched his cheeks, he’s nose, it’s as if my hands
wanted to memorize the curves, the face that he had. I then kissed his lips
that is starting to get cold and after that I hug him tightly… and then
whispered to his eyes, “I’m here already love. I’m already here. I brought you
your favorite melon. I picked it up just for you”. Then my tears starting to
well up. “I love you Kezuka. I love you!” And I cried hard after that, that it
makes my shoulders shake. I took minutes to cry while embracing him. If Usui
never took me my shoulder and make me turn to him then embrace me, I wouldn’t
maybe think of letting Kezuka off my embrace. I then cried on Usui’s shoulder.
I cried hard. He then lead me and take me to sit on the couch and Comfort me
there.
That was three years ago and still
I’m my tears fall when I remember Kezuka. “Hello Kezuka”, I brought you
flowers. I picked this up from my garden. Usui helped me. You know he needs to
assist me. I’m now five months pregnant and it’s a boy Kezuka.” I’m smiling
while touching my tummy and the baby inside moved. “hehehe, my baby moved
love!” I said at tomb of Kezuka. “Oh! I need to go now love. It’s already late
and Usui is waiting at the car.” I said. “Goodbye love and I love you “ I
added. And I turned and started to walked going to the car where Usui waits.
“Oh! Wait!” I turned back and said, “ I just want to inform you that Usui
agreed that we will name our son, first son, after you.” “And I want to tell you
too that Usui is like you love. He really loves me. And I’m starting to love
him also.” I said. It’s proper and right to love him, right.” But then he’s
giving me the time that I’ll learn to love him, and he’s starting to be
successful in doing so.” I smiled and glanced to Usui’s location. “Just want to
inform you Kezuka, At that this will be the last time I’ll visit you. As you
said, I need to move on. Thanks for everything. And I love you.”
I then took my way to Usui and when
I reached his place I then embrace him. And then look at him and I smiled then
said, “Usui…” “Yes honey?” he asked. “I love you.” I said while looking at him.
He stopped and looked at me for a long time as if it never registered to his
mind. I then took his hand and hold it then said while smiling at him, “Usui,
my honey, I love you. Thanks for everything.” Then slowly his eyes became big
and his smile is as if it reaches his ears, “Is it true honey?” I then nod my
head while smiling at him and still holding his hands. “Yes!”, he exclaimed.
“Thank you darling, thank you” as he embrace me tightly but careful with my
tummy. “Thank you honey. And I love you too”, he added. Then he kissed me on my
lips. We then took the rode and off with our car away from the cemetery.
