“Eternal Love” (Forever and Always)

HI! I’m Miyaki Yagami, a businesswoman of Okinawa, Japan. I just want to share to you one of my experiences about love.I was in the middle school that time; I had a crush on my boy best friend. He’s a joker a heartthrob, a kind and a sweet guy. His name is Kezuka Kurusaki. Although he is popular in our school, he still spends and enjoys his time with me.

My parents were CEO in one of the most famous company in Japan. And because of their fame and wealth, my parents then are afraid that I’ll be marrying somebody that is not the same with our state of life. And so my parents made an arrangement with one of their partner that their son will and I will be married at the time we are to finish college. They never asked my opinion or my feelings about it. Still they insist and push through what they’d planned. A month after their talked, they then made a family get together so that all of us, specially the two of us, me and Usui Kasito, well met and know each other. I can’t say no that time and so I joined and force myself to be involved with the party. I’m not saying he’s not cute, he is indeed cute. Not just cute but handsome young man that every girl would dream of, but he couldn’t get my interest even if he did all the sweetness and gave me expensive gift. He couldn’t wake up any feeling in me. He’s just plainly a friend to me, nothing more nothing less. Nevertheless, we still were engaged.

That’s not just that. The worst thing was that both of our parents suggested and insisted that Usui will transfer to my school for us to know each other and that Usui will be able to watch over me. Usui, fetched me up every day and drop me to our house. Thought at times, He’s hard to understand, still I managed to deal and be with him.

We’ve been classmates since middle school until high school. At that time, my friend Kezuka and I were already close with each other, closer than a friend but not couples. I enjoyed being with him than with Usui. So at times, I lied to Usui that we have group meeting with my Friends or anything that I could used as reason for me to take the time to spend it with Kezuka.I told Usui that during Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I will not go home with him. Only Tuesdays and thursdays only. He also agreed because he too have circle of friends where they also have their own spree. Even if my time with Kezuka were short compared with what I have with Usui, those times made me happier. We dated anywhere and have fun with simple things. Even if we ate street foods and watched only scenes in the beach on a park and people there, I did treasure those things. I took all the time to make the best out of our time together with Kezuka. I never felt that happiness with Usui even if we ate in neither a five starred hotel nor visiting grand and beautiful place.

Everything went well until one day, Usui discovered the truth. He was angry at that time.“Usui snubbed me and he’s not fetching me since last week.” I told Kezuka while we ate our lunch that day. “But then,” I added. “I don’t care. It doesn’t matter with me anyway.” I said. “But you need to settle things to him Miyaki.” she said while looking at me. “He’ll be your future husband in the future so you need to fix matters to him anyway.”, he added while he continue eating his food. “Yeah, I know.” I said while I cut the fish into with my fork and spoon. “If I can only choose and decide. He’s not the one I’ll marry.” I said at that time I am already about to bite the fish on my fork. “I already have with me the guy I like.”, I just simply added the statement. Kezuka then scrambled to get a glass of water that time to clear the blocked throat he had. He accidentally swallows the fish that still never gnawed into pieces. I then helped him while laughing at him.“Whoa! You’ll pay with what you did later Miyaki.”, he said still drinking.“I just told you what’s the truth Kezuka.”, I said serious while I sit on my chair. He then slowly places the glass he’s holding on the table and took my hands and said, “Thank you Miyaki. How sweet of you.” then he kissed my hands and looked at my eyes for many minutes. I’m waiting for him to say the words, but then, “Let’s continue to eat our food so that we could still watch the program in the plaza.” he said and starts eating his food again.Dismayed I am because I didn’t heard what I wanted to hear, however, that makes me feel okay because I already did tell him what I have in my heart. We’d finish that spree that we have with so much fun.

One day in our school during break time, Usui grab my hands and pulled me to walked with him so that we could talked he said that time. He then took me at the inner part of the parking lot that few people only visit it. When we’re already in that area he then hold my head and kissed me torridly that it hurts my lips. That took us a long time before he’d let go of me. Both of us panting and breathing hard for air. “What are you doing Usui?” I angrily said to him. “Are you out of your mind already?” I added. “That’s what your punishment!” he shouted. “What?” I asked confused.“You don’t remember?” he asked still angry. “Huh!” he smirked. “You said you’re with your girl group but… but…” he said looking for a word to tell what the next line is. “But you’re with your guy! With Kezuka!” he added.“What are you thinking? He asked. “You already have a fiancée but you are going out with a guy?” he said. “He’s my friend, best friend, close friend so to speak, Usui.” I answered. “And even maybe he’s not. I would rather choose him than you. Remember, ours were arranged by our parents.” I remind him. He then grabs my two shoulders with his strong hands and carried me to the corner and again kissed me angrily. Even if I tried to free myself but because he’s bigger than me, I couldn’t. Even if I know Self defense, because of his sturdy body, it’s useless. After that he then let go of my lips and said, “If you won’t marry me you will still continue your relationship with Kezuka, then I don’t have any choice but to make you completely mine in whatever way. And I’ll do something bad to that Kezuka! He said angrily. “I’ll give you 3 weeks to decide Miyaki. 3 days! he stressed. He then let go of me then turned and walked away. I was distraught that time. Don’t know what to think first, my hurt lips or Usui’s statement. I don’t know what to do at that time. The only thing that I did was to cry. Cried because I need to decide and I knew that I don’t like what will be the outcome of my choice afterwards. It’s because I knew then that I need to choose him, Usui, not Kezuka. That hurts me a lot.

Three days passed and I still don’t want to think my answer to what Usui asked. That made me sad. That time I and Kezuka were at the beach watching birds fly and glide above the waters. I never knew then that Kezuka is watching me and saw there the burden that I have. “What’s the problem Miyaki?” he asked while he made me face him. I couldn’t look at his face that time because if I do, I know I’ll burst out and will cry. But Kezuka, really feels that he needs to know what’s with me and so he lifted my face with her fingers. He slowly lifts it up ’til he could see my teary eyes. Then I cried hard after that. He then hugs me tight and comforted me. He never let a word from his mouth. He just let me cry and pour out what I need to decant that time. It took me minutes to calm myself but still he just hugs me and let me cry out.

After the time I am finish pouring out the burdens within me, that’s when the time I told him what Usui did at the parking lot. I told him everything in between the sobs even the ultimatum Usui said. He then embrace me again and while he ‘s touching my hair he whispered to my ears saying, “Even if you will be with him starting today, my love for you won’t fade away Miyaki.” Then he kissed my forehead, down to my nose then to my lips. He kissed me passionately as if it’s the end of the world. And I did enjoy that. Because I already know that my love to him has also an answer. That he loves me also, that the feeling is mutual. He did treasure that time, everything that happened that time. It was Kezuka who stopped the kissed that we had shared. And one more time he’d embrace me, tightly. “Let’s go baby. It’s already late.” he said with a smile on his lips and eyes. And I like what he called me that time, Babe. My heart really was full of happiness. It’s that time that I felt I’m in heaven. I then stand up while he assisted me and we walked to the park holding hands together and we both smile that time. I know it’s already late in the afternoon, but I thought that it was dawn. And the sun is shining. I feel like I don’t want to let that day end that time. I’m very happy.

When we are 2 blocks away from our house, because that time he brought with him his car, he then stop the car and face me. I then embrace him and he said, “I love you. I don’t want to let you go but I know, we both knew, that I still have to.” “But keep always remember that I do love you Miyaki. I always will.” he added. “I love you too Kezuka. I’m really happy today because of the things you said. I really Am.”, I said. “Thank you Kezuka. I thought I only am the one who felt It.”, I said. “No, its two way baby. I’m just not blunt about it because you will feel you’re so beautiful, beautiful than anybody else.” he said afterwards he laughed while he’d let me go. “Oh! Is that what you think?” I said. And then I pinched his side.“Ouch! That hurts.”, he said while laughing. “Kidding aside baby, I just wanted to keep it first.” he said. He then embraces me and we bade goodbye to each other.

The next day, I then called Usui and told him that we need to meet because I’ll tell him what my answer with his ultimatum is earlier. When he arrives at the meeting place we have, that is the restaurant that we usually visit during our dates, he then said, “Let’s eat first. I’m really hungry. He then ordered our food and we ate. When we already finished our main course he then said, “We are to eat first our dessert before you’ll tell me what your decision is.”I just let him handle all the things that time when we all finished everything. He then said, “Okay, I’m ready Miyaki for your answer.” I then told him, “I will marry you. I’ll follow what our parents set for us to do. I’ll be your wife, a good wife, and mothers to your offspring.” I said straight to his face.And then I said, “I’m already done with my objective today. May I excuse myself?”He then nods his head and then I stand up and took my way out of the restaurant.

When I’m already in my car, I then poured out my tears that were already there when I’m taking my way out, crying because I can’t do anything with what I have with my future. That I already said my decision, and I know I need to choose such thing because my parent needs it too, badly. Yes, I am in love but not with Usui, but with Kezuka. “What will happen with the feelings we have with each other?” I asked myself. I really love Kezuka but my fate leads me to Usui. I spent almost one hour inside my car crying hard with the fate that I have. The good thing there is that people around me can’t see me crying ‘cause of my tinted car. When I’m already finish and afraid that Usui will see me still there within the vicinity, I then drove off and went home. There in my room continue and spent my time crying bitterly.

Three months passed since the day that everything went to what we used to do. That is all the time I’m with Usui because that’s what I needed to do even I still long to be with Kezuka, it’s unfair for him if I do that. I don’t even have communications with him and the worst thing to that is I can’t and didn’t see him everywhere in the school. Been trying to locate and determine what’s the reason behind but I can’t find any.

One day when I was in the canteen with my circle of friends I overheard a group of girls talking about Kezuka. That triggered me to be attentive to them and listen to what they’re talking. One of the girl said, “Girls, Is it true that Kezuka had a leukemia?” and one of them answered, “Yes girl. I heard it from my friend who is one of the circles of friends of Kezuka. And if am not mistaken, he’s now in a hospital, I guess… that is Shisuken Hospital.” “Are you sure with that?” some of the girls already paid attention to the topic of the two girls. “Oh! That’s horrible then.” Zuni, whom I’ve known because she’s one of my classmate in one of my subject “Don’t you know that I have a crush on him. He’s so cute and a good boy.” She added. “Yeah, me too. How is he right now? One of the girls beside Zuni asked. “He’s still there I guess, because from one of his friend said he’s body is not already responding to any chemotherapy already.” “Oh!” Because of that conversation of those girls I then immediately excuse myself with my friends. I never waited for their answer because I really need to know what the real story about it is. I’m rushing to leave the school that even Usui’s presences when I met him on the lobby I never recognize. The only objective that I have that time is to get where Kezuka is and determine if he’s okay or not. When I’m already outside of the school’s gate I then immediately call for a taxi and told the driver that we’re going at Shisuken Hospital. On my way I heard my phone ringing and seen that Usui is calling. I answered and asked why. He then said, “Where are you going? I met you at the lobby earlier you never even acknowledge me even a glance. Where are you going? It’s not yet time to leave the school and you still have one subject left right?” “Oh1 I’m sorry Usui. I’m on my way right now to the hospital.” I said. “Why are you going there?” he asked. “I want to check if Kezuka is there and if his seek and if his alright. Want to ask him if the rumor about him having leukemia is wrong.” I answered him while I’m choking and my tears are already falling down my cheeks.” I hope you’ll understand why I need to visit him. Why I need to know if he’s okay, Am I right Usui?” I asked. There’s a long silence from his line and then he said, “Okay, I’ll follow you there.” “Thank you Usui. Thank you.” I said and I turned off the phone.

The cab arrived at the lobby of the hospital and I immediately asked from the information office where and what room is Kezuka were confined. They then told me its room number 15D. And no more a do, I run to the room while my tears were falling. I prayed to God that things must be okay. That he only have a minor illness. I did ask that while running. When I’m already in front of the room, I then saw through the mirrors Kezuka and his family there inside watching Kezuka. I then knock and open the door. When the mother of Kezuka recognizes me, she then embrace me then led me to come closer to Kezuka. After that, one by one they excuse themselves for the two of us, Kezuka and I will have time to talk. When every one of them leaves, there is a long silence inside of the room. It’s as if nobody wants to talk between us. I just watched him while my tears fall. He then grabs my hands slowly and told me, “Miyaki, come closer please.” And I move closer. Get closer and then I embrace him and cry over his shoulder. He just pats my back comforting me while I kept crying bitterly. Minutes pass and I tried to stop my tears and asked him in between sobs “Why did you not inform me of this? When was this started?” I asked while looking at his pale face. “Actually it started last year. I kept it from you so you won’t be worried.” He answered. “And I know that you have lots of problem already with Usui, and I don’t want to add burdens to you. I just want you to be happy with me Miyaki. Because every time I saw you smiling it’s as if I’m fulfilled already.” He added while holding my hands. At that time I’m still crying. “Remember baby, even if I’m not with you, I love you. I love you very much.”, I then hug him. He then took my chin then looks at me and said, “Stop crying baby. You’re not that beautiful already because you keep on crying.” He then smile and we look at each other eyes then slowly he took my lips and we kissed.

At that time, Usui is waiting outside. Saw what was going on. And when I go out from the room after waiting for Kezuka to rest and sleep, I then saw him looking at me and said, “Its okay Miyaki. I understand the situation. And if I don’t I’ll try and will try my best to understand everything. But I just want to ask you again, you’ll keep your statement right, to marry me?” He looked at my eyes and waited for the answer. I then answered “whatever I said to you Usui, I won’t take it back. And I will do it.” He smiled. “Thank you and it’s very kind of you in understanding it.” “It’s okay with me Miyaki, That’s how I love you” he said while smiling. “Are we to go home now?” he asked. “Yes.” I answered. Then I asked permission from the parents of Kezuka and told them that I’ll return to visit Kezuka. We bade goodbye and off we go.

While we’re already taking the road going home, “Usui, I would like to inform you that I’ll always visit Kezuka. Is it okay with you? Because if it’s not, I’m sorry but I will still visit.” He is quiet for a long time and said, “As I’ve said earlier it’s okay with me but the only thing I wanted is that when you visit I’ll go with you. Is it okay with you?” After that, I am then the one who took time to answer. “I told you that because I just want to help you, give you a ride and to make you safe as well. You can’t be able to drive your car when you are crying, right?”he added. “Yeah, your right” I said while nodding my head. “Thank you Usui for thinking of my safety”. He then glance at me and smile. Then silence filled the car as we are taking the road to my house. Starting that day I keep visiting Kezuka, during vacant time and before I go home, and Usui is with me always. But he never took the time to get inside Kezuka’s room for delicacy sake.

One day, “Can we buy first fruits before we visit Kezuka?”, I asked Usui. We then went to a supermarket to buy fresh fruits for Kezuka. And when we’re buying fruits, Usui picked mango but I said, “Not that Usui. He loves eating melon.” Usui only smile and asked the vendor of the price of the mango and we bought some for Kezuka. We then buy takeout food on a restaurant that we used to dine for the family of Kezuka and for us.

While we’re on our way to the hospital, my phone rang with the song:

~Heaven can’t wait up higher in the sky. It’s you and I, Heaven

And can’t wait deep down in your eyes, I’m yours tonight. Lay your heart next to mine… I feel so alive…~

It’s Kezuka’s number and I picked it up. “Hi baby, the voice at the other side answered.” And I answered, “Oh! Kezuka! How are you? We’re on our way going there to you. We brought lots of food”, “Oh! Thank you baby. I just call to tell you how much I love you and missed you.” he said. And I said” Wait!” and I told Usui, “can we stop for a while, I need space? Just for a while.” And Usui also gave me the favor. When the car stopped, I then moved out of the car and closed it for privacy. “Hello love, are you still there?”I asked Kezuka. “Yes baby. I missed you already.” He said. “I missed you too love and I love you very much.”I answered. And I heard a deep breath on the other line and Kezuka said in sincere voice, “Miyaki, When I’m gone you always remember that I’m still with you, in your heart. I’ll always there to guide you. If I’m gone you need to move on with your life… with Usui. I know that he’ll take good care of you. Always remember that I love you… I love you Miyaki… I love you baby.” And the phone went dead. “Hello… Kezuka? Hello!” Huh! Why did he turn off the phone. I then open the door and sit inside the passengers seat and said to Usui, “let’s go.” And I smiled to him thankful for the understanding he’s giving.

We then took again the way going to the hospital. We then parked the car and took the path going to Kezuka’s room. While we’re 20 steps away from the room of Kezuka, we then saw doctors and nurse running going inside Kezuka’s room. My heart beat fast. Usui and I looked at each other and I then run to reach Kezuka’s room. Usui is following me. I then get inside the room where I saw Kezuka’s parents crying as well as his brothers and sisters. I then turn my eyes to the bed where Kazuke lay and saw nurses and doctors reviving him back to life. They’d tried their best to revive him but the cardiac monitor displayed a flat line. The doctors then look at us and bowed his head. It’s a cue for us that Kezuka is gone. His family went to his body and mourns. You can hear cries in the room. And I felt the hands of Usui on my shoulder comforting me. I didn’t move. I don’t know what to do. I didn’t cry yet that time. My mind couldn’t process what had happened or I don’t want my mind to accept the reality that Kezuka’s gone. He’s gone.. Gone? Gone. HE’S GONE.

The family of Kezuka looked at me at that moment. Emphasizing with what I are infront of me. Usui then hold me on my shoulders and walked me closer to where Kezuka is. I looked at Kezuka’s face. He’s as if smiling. I’m thinking and imagining he’s just resting. And waiting for me there that when I’ll kiss his forehead he’ll open his eyes and look at me smiling. I’m thinking… Thinking that he will still asked me that I’ll feed him with the sweet melon I brought with him today… He’s gone. My mind interrupted. He’s gone.

My tears then started to fall from my eyes and my hands slowly touched his cheeks, he’s nose, it’s as if my hands wanted to memorize the curves, the face that he had. I then kissed his lips that is starting to get cold and after that I hug him tightly… and then whispered to his eyes, “I’m here already love. I’m already here. I brought you your favorite melon. I picked it up just for you”. Then my tears starting to well up. “I love you Kezuka. I love you!” And I cried hard after that, that it makes my shoulders shake. I took minutes to cry while embracing him. If Usui never took me my shoulder and make me turn to him then embrace me, I wouldn’t maybe think of letting Kezuka off my embrace. I then cried on Usui’s shoulder. I cried hard. He then lead me and take me to sit on the couch and Comfort me there.

That was three years ago and still I’m my tears fall when I remember Kezuka. “Hello Kezuka”, I brought you flowers. I picked this up from my garden. Usui helped me. You know he needs to assist me. I’m now five months pregnant and it’s a boy Kezuka.” I’m smiling while touching my tummy and the baby inside moved. “hehehe, my baby moved love!” I said at tomb of Kezuka. “Oh! I need to go now love. It’s already late and Usui is waiting at the car.” I said. “Goodbye love and I love you “ I added. And I turned and started to walked going to the car where Usui waits. “Oh! Wait!” I turned back and said, “ I just want to inform you that Usui agreed that we will name our son, first son, after you.” “And I want to tell you too that Usui is like you love. He really loves me. And I’m starting to love him also.” I said. It’s proper and right to love him, right.” But then he’s giving me the time that I’ll learn to love him, and he’s starting to be successful in doing so.” I smiled and glanced to Usui’s location. “Just want to inform you Kezuka, At that this will be the last time I’ll visit you. As you said, I need to move on. Thanks for everything. And I love you.”

I then took my way to Usui and when I reached his place I then embrace him. And then look at him and I smiled then said, “Usui…” “Yes honey?” he asked. “I love you.” I said while looking at him. He stopped and looked at me for a long time as if it never registered to his mind. I then took his hand and hold it then said while smiling at him, “Usui, my honey, I love you. Thanks for everything.” Then slowly his eyes became big and his smile is as if it reaches his ears, “Is it true honey?” I then nod my head while smiling at him and still holding his hands. “Yes!”, he exclaimed. “Thank you darling, thank you” as he embrace me tightly but careful with my tummy. “Thank you honey. And I love you too”, he added. Then he kissed me on my lips. We then took the rode and off with our car away from the cemetery.